Heart of Joy!

My heart is full of joy today because we got to see our little baby's heart beating strong! The ultrasound went perfectly. My RE told us she saw a baby with a heartbeat within just a few seconds. As soon as I saw my uterus on the screen, I was scanning it, sac = check, something in the sac = check...then she said the most beautiful words "I see a baby with a heartbeat!" Relief!

The first measurement the baby was 6 weeks 1 day, she measured again and got 6 weeks 2 days. I am likely 6 weeks 2 or 3 days pregnant, so that looks good. She also pointed out the yolk sac and looked around a lot for a second baby. To be honest, I'm a little bit surprised it is one instead of two, but this will make for a much less stressful pregnancy. She checked out my corpus luteum, which is nice and big on my left side, the side with the larger follicle.

Here is our newest little baby (between the 2 "X's" in the darker circle)...

I will go back in 2 weeks, October 10th. I'll be 8 weeks 2 days. If all goes well at that appointment, I will start seeing a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist for the remainder of my pregnancy. I had some blood taken today to check my clotting factors to see if there is a definite need for the Lovenox. I'm waiting for the results, they should be back today. **edit to add: my results all came back normal**

I can't thank my online girls enough! Your support, prayers, and well wishes have meant the world to me! Thank you so much! I still have a long way to go with this pregnancy, but we are so happy to be taking this giant step in the right direction. Thanks for being there with me! Those of you still TTC, I hope you join me on this path very soon!

Time Moves So Slowly

It feels like I've been waiting forever for this ultrasound coming up on Tuesday. Two weeks of no tests or anything to verify this pregnancy is moving along properly. I caught a cold from my daughter, so I can't tell if my waves of nausea and exhaustion are from the cold or from pregnancy. I haven't had many cramps this past week either and I usually have them until about 8 weeks. My uterus is itchy from the inside out and my stomach seems to be getting bigger. I'm out of pregnancy tests, which is probably for the best. I did take my last FRER after I got my last beta result and video taped it. It can't get much darker. The pregnancy line popped up right away, but it took a while for the control line to show up - ha!

FRER Video 

I also took a digital just because I love to see the word "pregnant" pop up!

Digital Test Video

I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy for every second that I am pregnant, hoping that it's for the full 9 months. I'm nervous, of course, but I have a strange sense of calm with this pregnancy that I haven't had for a long time. I'm hoping it's because my intuition is telling me all is well. I'm not sure though, I could just be resigned to all of this since we've been through so much before. Some days I really feel pregnant, other days I don't feel pregnant at all. If we see a heartbeat on Tuesday, I'll know we will have something like a 95% chance all will go well with the rest of the pregnancy. It's hard to put too much stock in those statistics because we saw a heartbeat with two of our losses and fell in that 5%, but I'll gladly take the 95% odds.

I haven't had any miscarriage dreams *knock on wood,* with all of my miscarriages I had nightmares of miscarriage before they happened. I can't remember if I had miscarriage nightmares when I was pregnant with my daughter. I do remember a very vivid dream I had of her early on in my pregnancy, before we knew she was a girl. I dreamed of this 4 or 5 year old little girl and at first I could only see her from behind. She had brown curly hair (brown like her Daddy, curly like me), then she turned around and she looked a lot like me and she hugged me. When I woke up I remember wondering if that meant my baby was a girl, but I figured our child would be blonde as a kid because my husband and I both were. As it turned out, our daughter was born with brown curly hair. I keep hoping for a similar dream with this pregnancy. Just like any pregnancy, all we can do is wait, enjoy the time we have with our baby, and hope for the best.

429!!!

I love a good beta! My nurse called with beta number 3 today and it is an excellent number. Doubling in just 34 hours!

11DPO = 30
13DPO = 61
17DPO = 429

She called me right away when she got the results since she knew I was waiting. She'll be calling back after the doctor looks at it to tell me if I need to do a repeat beta or schedule an ultrasound. In most cases I think they would just do the ultrasound, but after so many losses I'm not sure what to expect. Either way is fine with me.

I am flying high today and keeping my head up! I think we might have to go out to dinner to celebrate!

Lovenox No More

Well, I did the first Lovenox injection on Friday night. The injection itself really wasn't as scary or bad as I thought it would be. I iced my stomach, pinched the skin up, the needle went right in, injected medicine slowly and it burned a lot, but it was doable. As I pulled the needle out, there were a couple drops of blood, which freaked me out a bit, but with some research I found out that it really isn't a big deal and can happen from time to time. That night, panic set in. I started freaking out about hemorrhaging or getting in a car accident and bleeding to death internally, or not being able to get an epidural because it can cause paralysis...my brain was going a million miles a minute and I was freaking out. The next morning when I got in the shower (12 hours after the injection), blood started continuously dripping out of the injection site and I couldn't get it to stop for 30 minutes! I was panicked again! I decided right then and there that the stress of taking it was worse for me and the baby than if I stopped taking it. Today I called my nurse and explained everything to her, she talked to my RE, called me back and told me my doctor said I didn't have to take it anymore. She would prefer me to take it as a precaution, but nothing dictates that I need it. I'll continue taking baby aspirin. I have a purple bruise the size of a quarter from just that one injection. I don't envy women who have to take this throughout their pregnancy. I could handle the shots, but the side effects and fear of side effects are just too much for me unless someone tells me it's the only way.

I go in tomorrow for my 3rd beta. I'm hoping and praying for a great number! My symptoms are promising. The morning sickness has started, boobs are super sore, mild cramps off and on, super sense of smell, weird taste in my mouth and food tastes weird, and fatigue. I was at Walmart yesterday and couldn't resist another pack of FRER's, so I tested again yesterday after 2 days. The line looks great!

Doubling Beta!

I am full of good news today! I got my second beta back and it doubled in 48 hours, hooray!

11DPO = 30
13DPO = 61

I am relieved and still a tad nervous because with my other pregnancies they doubled faster, not that it's a race, and I know this fits into a great doubling range, so I am trying to keep my head up and remember that. I am so thankful for all my online TTC gals for sticking by me and reassuring me through this whole process!

Other good news, the bleeding stopped! It only lasted a couple hours that one time (right around my first beta blood draw), and the beta doubled since then with no more bleeding, so I think that's a great sign. Hopefully that was the last of the bleeding during this 9 months!

I haven't POAS at all today. Last night I took my last FRER. I have some IC's left that I'll probably randomly pee on, but I am done comparing every line twice per day.

I go back in 4 days for a 3rd beta. Hoping for fantastic news! I will start my Lovenox injections tonight and I'm pretty nervous. I got another demonstration today, so that helped reassure me.

Here are the last comparison of pee sticks pic:

I saw several butterflies while driving home from my beta <3! I also heard a song on the radio that I decided is my theme song throughout this pregnancy! Andy Grammer, Keep Your Head Up - love the message and love that it talks about a rainbow after the rain!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmrOB_q3tjo&feature=share

Ahh...The Stress & Anxiety

Here is stress and anxiety post #1 for this pregnancy. I'm hoping there won't be too many more, but with my history, I'm guessing there will be a few.

Topic #1 - The Tests
For the most part, my tests are fabulous! They are super dark for only 11 DPO. They seem to be getting darker. The stressful part is that I have had a few here and there that are lighter than previous tests (see pics below). Probably not a big deal, but it still makes me panic.

Topic #2 - The Beta
Looking at the tests and looking at my betas with past tests, I was thrown for a loop to find out my beta was only 30. Now, 30 on 11DPO is actually a good, solid beta, and my progesterone is good too at 29.3. The number and the tests just don't seem to mesh, so I'm stressed that hcg leaves my urine slower than it leaves my blood (I don't know if there is any truth to that, just a question I have) and the beta is on it's way down, but then tonight I take another test (7 hours after my beta) and it looks a bit darker, so I'm hoping the previous scenario is not what is happening. I go back Friday for a 2nd beta.

Topic #3 - The Bleeding
I have only had one tiny spot of brown blood at 6 weeks when I was pregnant with my son. Never have I had any other kind of bleeding in pregnancy. Today, after a strenuous hour with my toddler at her Little Gym class, I had bright red blood for a couple hours. TMI Alert: It was only when I wiped, but I'd say it was somewhere between spotting and light bleeding, no clots. The bright red is gone *knock on wood* and now I just have some tiny traces of brown. Needless to say, I called my husband home from work and put my feet up for the day. My RE offered my Prometrium if I wanted it, but my progesterone is good and has never been a problem, so I don't think I'll take it. I'm hoping it was a one time thing and I was just doing too much. I'm afraid to take her to class next week.

Topic #4 - The Symptoms
I started getting a headache tonight. I'm someone who gets headaches a lot. When I was pregnant with my daughter I didn't have a single headache, it was bliss. With my chemical I had a searing headache on the night before my tests turned negative, so I'm always afraid of headaches. I've had headaches in my 3 other pregnancies at random times and they meant nothing. So logically I know this is not something foreboding.

Cramps and backache, same deal...I've had them with every pregnancy, they freak me out that miscarriage is impending AND it freaks me out if I don't have cramps because I know I have cramps with pregnancy. See, I'm so full of anxiety that the things I'm anxious about don't even make sense.

Good news is I'm nauseous, have a super strong sense of smell and food aversions, lightheaded, and exhausted. I'm yelling out a big serious YAY for those things!

Here are some of my tests (which I showed to the med. asst. today when she drew my blood, and she was so curious about them and how I had them organized. She said she hadn't seen anyone do this before and I told her about us crazy group of gals on the internet - ha!):

There you have it. I AM pregnant.I won't start heparin injections until we see what my next beta is. Please send all your good thoughts, vibes, positive energy, prayers to my little bean(s). We need all that good stuff we can get!

...I kinda thought it might be twins after seeing how dark my tests were so early on. Now that I have my beta, I'm guessing it's just one, but we did have 2 good follies, so it's possible. One or two - I just want a healthy take home baby(ies) and will feel blessed beyond words whichever way that goes.



I Think We Did It Again!

I'm starting to get really excited! I think I am pregnant! I won't be certain until I see the tests get darker for another day, but I'd give it a 95% probability right now. The FRER I took this morning is a bit darker than yesterday morning's test. I had a darker IC late last night and it looks just as dark this morning. I'm cramping a lot, which I do in the first 8 weeks or so, and I'm exhausted and lightheaded. I really don't think the trigger could be this strong in my system at 12 days past trigger/10DPO.

Here's what you've been waiting for, the pictures...

FRER:

IC:

Random IC I had (although I have nothing to compare it to):

We'll see what tomorrow brings, but I'm really excited and hopeful. Praying for a healthy, take home, rainbow baby!

Not Sure What to Think

My tests are confusing me...story of my life, right? I am 11 days past trigger/9 days past ovulation today and my tests are not any lighter. The FRER looks darker than I would have expected. I know every person metabolizes HCG differently and my body does tend to hold on to low levels for a while after miscarriages, so I'm trying not to get too excited yet. With my pregnancy with my daughter I tested negative at 10 days past trigger/8 days past ovulation on a dollar tree test and got a positive test on 13 DPT/11 DPO. The tests I'm using now are more sensitive, so who knows...

I'm feeling really crampy and tired, which could be from the meds or a symptom. I don't ever read too much into symptoms on medicated cycles. Only time will tell. Hopefully my tests will continue to get darker.

Testing Out the Trigger

Thanks for the comments on my last post. I'm glad to hear it's not uncommon for a trigger shot malfunction ;) I've been testing out the trigger and today it's pretty light...

When I got pregnant with my daughter the trigger was gone at 10DPT (although that was with tests that weren't as sensitive). It looks like tomorrow or the next day should be negative...then I just hope they get dark again! Part of me feels very hopeful while another part of me is trying not to get my hopes up. I'm just ready for my rainbow baby. Yesterday when I took out the mail a monarch butterfly was sitting out there and flitted around me for a while. It gave me a bit more hope.