Hello 2012!

I'm looking forward to pure happiness in 2012! It WILL be a great year! Today we went out shopping and I bought our baby boy's first clothes! 3 cute little blue outfits that are both adorable and cozy. It seems a bit surreal to be making purchases (and seeing blue in our house of pinks, purples, and greens), but today marks the half way point in my pregnancy - I need to start shopping!

His kicks and movements are getting stronger. I feel him daily, although some days he's very active and others fairly quiet. He almost always starts moving around when I lie down for bed. It is truly one of the greatest feelings in the world and with every kick and squirm I love him more and more.

I had my 19 week appointment Thursday with a new-to-me perinatologist. I get to start shuffling around to meet them all now, which is a new thing to me. With my OB she was the only one, so I always saw her and I liked that. Luckily I have liked the 2 I have met so far. I got my AFP results and they are normal, yay! Measuring spot on with my fundal height and baby boy is keeping his nice strong heart rate of 150. I had a +3 sugar in my urine today, but she thought it was likely from the OJ and donuts I had recently eaten. Gained 4 lbs. in 4 weeks.

We had a beautiful Christmas. Our 3 year old darling loved every second of it and is still buzzing with excitment! I think this is the age when they really start to "get it." Her "Fancy Nancy" birthday parties were loads of fun too. It's been an all around wonderful month for us and I'm looking forward to a happy and blessed 2012! I wish you all the same!

We Made It

I'm feeling good that we have made it past two things I wasn't looking forward to: our due date for our first son (December 16th) and the time frame when we lost him (14.5-17 weeks). I am now 18 weeks pregnant and happily feeling lots of little kicks and rolls. Only two weeks away from our 20 week anatomy scan and fetal echo (not to mention the half way mark). I wondered how I would do on our first son's due date this year. Last year was extremely difficult, but surprisingly, this year wasn't too bad. July 9th, when we delivered him, is the day that I reserve for him, so the due date doesn't seem as meaningful. Who knows what day he would have come if he had been born full term, so reserving the due date is something that isn't too important for me.

We are celebrating our daughter's 3rd birthday this week. I can hardly believe she's already 3 - time really does fly! She's such a beautiful, sweet, loving, smart, funny, and gentle little girl. She brings joy to my heart every day and I feel so lucky to be her Mommy! She's pretty excited about becoming a big sister. It brings joyful tears to my eyes when she kisses my belly and talks to her brother. I can't wait to see them interact! I'm feeling beyond blessed this holiday season and Christmas magic is in the air. Wishing you and yours a beautiful holiday and a magical Christmas!

Flip Flopping Emotions

I want to be strong and content in the good news we got at out ultrasound, and sometimes I am. I'm also having all those fears and anxieties creeping in with the news of the two vessel cord (or single umbilical artery). I know it is the most common umbilical cord issue and happens in 1 in 100 singleton pregnancies, more frequently with multiples. I also know that most babies are born healthy with no issues. My history makes me fear all the things that could be wrong or could go wrong. At times I'm finding myself back to the place of wondering if our son will make it and trying to detach myself from him, from the pregnancy, which is impossible...we have seen him 6 times now, feel him moving, named him. We are so very attached and so very in love. Our daughter calls him by name and kisses my belly every day. All three of us are so invested in this little guy. I am in tears as I write this. Tears of fear and anxiety, tears of grief for our other babies lost, tears of anger and frustration. WHY do we have to face yet another scary hurdle? Why can't this just be a normal, healthy, easy pregnancy. We've been through so much, picked ourselves up and moved forward. I'm so tired emotionally, physically from all the ups and downs. Without this, I would still be anxious. I know too much from my years on message boards and reading books and internet research. I know of so many things that can go wrong. Those were enough to make me fearful, and now to add something else on top of that...it just flat out sucks!

I always come back to trying to calm myself and reassure myself. We are in good hands...the best in our area. They are keeping a close eye on everything to help prevent us losing him. His 16 week ultrasound looked very good and reassuring and they saw a lot of his anatomy for that early. My doctor seemed to only have minor concerns and it's her job to tell us if it's a major concern, right? Even so much as telling me not to worry about this. I've had a handful of women on message boards who work in hospitals tell me that, in their experience, they have seen only healthy outcomes. Without anything additional showing up, I know the chances of problems from this are very very slim. I am so nervous for the first week of January, when we have the 20 week ultrasound and the fetal echo. I don't know if I've ever wanted and wished so hard for something to come back looking normal. I think if that happens I will be able to relax significantly. I just wish it were May already and he were safely here, in my arms, all cute and cuddly and healthy.

It's A Boy!

We had our 16 week early anatomy ultrasound today. Baby was wiggling around and moving his hands a lot. We got two good looks between his legs and the ultrasound tech said he is definitely a boy! We are over the moon to be having a son!

All of his anatomy that they could see looked good. Our tech talked us through everything as we went along. I know she looked at the kidneys, which had some urine in them. The heart, which had 4 chambers and good cross blood flow. The brain, which she said looked normal (she measured several parts of that and told us what each was, but I don't remember) and she measured his head. The stomach, spine, arm and leg bones, feet and hands, she thought she saw a nasal bone. She checked my placenta and made sure the umbilical cord connected in the center. She checked my cervix and my ovaries, although my right one was hiding. Everything on the baby looked good and she said he measured in at 7oz. and is within normal range for how far along I am (16 weeks 2 days).

There was one piece of unsettling news. Apparently I have a 2 vessel umbilical cord. The doctor came in to talk to us and really down played everything, but wanted us to know what it all meant. It can mean an increase in chromosomal abnormalities, although with our early testing she didn't think that was the case. It can indicate heart abnormalities. Everything that they could see today looks good, but we will have a 20 week anatomy scan, then we will have a fetal echo done on the baby's heart to look at it more closely. She also said that it can cause growth restriction, so I will have ultrasounds every 4 weeks in the 3rd trimester. I asked her if it increased the risk of miscarriage or stillbirth. She said it didn't increase miscarriage, but might increase stillbirth risk. I will be going in for testing twice per week towards the end of the pregnancy to check and see how baby is doing. She said that would lower the risk. Our doctor was so reassuring and told us she thought all of this testing was overkill and there likely won't be any problem, she's just being cautious. She told me to try not to worry, knowing that with my history, that's a tough thing to do. Everything they saw today looked good and they saw quite a bit for only 16 weeks. I've been talking to some girls online and every story I have heard has had a good outcome, so that is encouraging. I just wish we didn't have anything additional to worry about, but in the grand scheme of things, this shouldn't be too serious. Hopefully his heart and anatomy will all look good, then I think I'll be able to relax quite a bit about it.

So, now we get to pick a boy name, plan a nursery, shop for all things blue. We will have a lot of fun doing that! We got some great photos of our little man today.

Here he is waving hello:

Profile pictures:

A front view of his face:

One Foot:

Two Foot:

He's a Boy:

My 16 Week Belly: