The Procedure

Tuesday, April 12th was the big D&C day. Medical procedures give me a lot of anxiety so I spent the night before and the morning of all worried and worked up. Afraid I was going to die and not be there for my little girl. Needless to say, she got a million kisses and hugs before I left. My parents came to watch her while I went for surgery. My husband and I arrived at the hospital at 11AM, got all checked in, then they told my us to give our hugs and kisses, that he would not be allowed back with me while I get all hooked up and ready to go. This is apparently a newer policy and not one that I'm a fan of, especially for something like this. We are dealing with the emotional loss of a baby in addition to the stress of surgery.

The staff at the hospital was amazing. They were all so kind and compassionate. They all expressed how sorry they were for our loss and I received a lot of encouragement to keep trying. There were a handful of nurses tending to me and I felt like each one genuinely cared. What a difference that makes!

My IV experience was not so good. No surprise with my veins though. I had a blood draw at my doctors office the day before and had 3 pokes and some bruises from that already (including my right hand). I found out from those tests that my beta HCG level is now down to 416. The nurse felt so bad, but it took 5 or 6 tries, 2 nurses, and lucky for me, some lidocaine to help numb some of those spots first. My hands look like a pin cushion and are so bruised and sore. More insult to injury and I think the pain and stress from that started my emotional plummet. I couldn't stop shaking. I got some medicine for my GERD, pepcid through my IV and this awful sour stuff to drink.

They gave me some magazines to read, plied me with warm blankets (I love those blanket warmers they have at hospitals. Wouldn't it be great to have those at home on a cold night!?!), offered some music, but I still couldn't hold it all together. I heard the woman next to me talking to her doctor. She was there to have her tubes tied and get her IUD out. She is lucky enough to have 4 children and can decide it's time to stop having them, while I'm sitting here waiting to for my 4th, much desired baby, to miscarry. Even more insult to injury. The tears started to flow. My doctor poked her head in about that time and came over to comfort me. She got me some tissues and talked to several different people about getting my husband back with me while I waited. She couldn't believe they stopped allowing that. I don't know that I've ever seen my doctor genuinely mad until that moment. It was nice to have her in my corner for that. At that point they gave me some medicine to relax me which helped.

I think it was around 12:45PM when they wheeled me back to the OR. Back there my RE sat up by my head to comfort me and I met my anesthesiologist. He was such a kind and interesting man. He was a priest before he started doing this and offered to bless our baby once it came out. I told him that wasn't necessary (A: I'm not Catholic and B: There is a good chance the baby had already passed and was no longer in there), but it really touched me and was such a beautiful thing to offer. He was also really funny and helped put me at ease. He made a joke about holding my hand as I went to sleep and hoped my husband wasn't the jealous type. I started to feel the warm burn of the meds in my arm. I felt so safe and cared for and in good hands, which was exactly what I needed. It was a very emotional and difficult day.

It was a little after 2PM when I woke up. Apparently the surgery went well. She only used suction, no scraping. She did get some additional tissue which she sent to the lab to test for fetal tissue. We won't do any chromosome testing even if fetal tissue is found. We still aren't sure when we passed the baby. I tend to think it was already out before the surgery. It's hard to tell when the sac is so small.

I was nauseous when I woke up, so I got some meds for that and something for the pain from cramping. They gave me some cookies and soda while I finished coming around. I asked for my husband right away and they brought him back. My doctor had talked to him before she left and filled him in on how everything went. Within an hour we were able to leave. I've had very minimal bleeding and mild to moderate cramping since I've been home. My body is achy and I'm still a little weak. I've been taking vicodin to ease the pain but it makes me really loopy and tired, so I've been napping a lot and needing help taking care of our daughter. She is at her Grandparents' house today. I'm not supposed to lift her for a few days and I'm certainly not capable of caring for her safely on vicodin.

Again, I am touched and thankful for all of the wonderful people in our lives. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtfulness. It really means more than you could ever know.

I go back to my RE for a post op check up in about two weeks. Then we'll start over yet again...