Seriously!? Do You Have To Press So Hard!?

Tuesday and Friday and today were much of the same with good NST's and good amniotic fluid checks. My nurse at my NST's is a hoot. She's always very friendly and very chatty. We've been lucky to be the only one's in there recently. Our first couple of times we had to share the curtained off room with another couple, one of whom smelled absolutely horrible, and looked/talked like she had done many drugs in her life, and the other of whom played loud Indian pop music the entire time, which I can't say was terrible music, but it wasn't really something I wanted to have to listen to so loudly for 20 minutes - I can't imagine forcing my music choices on someone who had no say in the same circumstance, maybe some earbuds would have been a more appropriate choice...both interesting appointments for those reasons. Since it's just been my husband and I for a while now, we've gotten to know our nurse pretty well and she is never one to back away from conversation. It certainly helps the time go by faster.

Wednesday I had a 34 week growth ultrasound and an MFM appointment afterward. We headed back to the room with the tech who didn't seem too terribly friendly, then she started the ultrasound...I've obviously had a LOT of ultrasounds, and some techs push a bit harder than others, but this woman was out of control! I was in serious pain from her pressing down and actually was bruised and sore for two days afterward. I was sweating and wincing and finally my husband grabbed my hand, which I squeezed like I was in labor and after she had me roll over on my side I gave him a look, which she saw and asked if I was okay. I told her I was hurting from how hard she was pressing and she let up just a tiny bit. She talked through some of the things, but not others, then told us she had to go ask if they needed any additional measurements and to wait there. The only times we have been told to wait (aside from waiting for a doctor's signature to go for blood work after the NT) it has been code for something is wrong, wait here while I get a doctor. So the next 5-10 minutes were agony as my husband and I are thinking the worst and I can't stop crying. She walks in with another tech who introduces herself and I ask her immediately what's wrong, she said nothing was wrong, that our tech is new and literally just needed some help with some measurements. I explained that we have lost several babies and that it is never a good sign when they tell us to wait and she just reassured me all was fine. I still wouldn't believe her until our MFM later confirmed all was fine. Low and behold when the experienced tech took measurements, she was nice and gentle, like the many other ultrasounds I've had in the past. The new girl has some learning to do! I'm thinking don't put the woman who has been through many losses with a newbie, give me someone who makes me feel comfortable and confident and who doesn't stress me out. We are told we can leave the ultrasound and head down the hall for my MFM appointment and they will just walk the ultrasound results down, which makes me wonder if there are any red flags and they figure they'll just let my doctor handle the info instead of calling in the doc who is on call for ultrasounds that day. So down we go to my MFM's office, still very nervous.

I get there and get all signed in, and wouldn't you know it, it's a long wait kind of day. I think about an hour passed, my blood pressure was high. As soon as the doctor came in I asked him if the ultrasound looked okay, and thank goodness it did. Baby boy is in the 50th percentile, weighs about 5lbs. 9oz. and everything else looked good. We did end up with a couple of pics, but he's still breech and not in the best position for pictures. They took my blood pressure again and it started to come down. I've been having a lot of contractions, so he checked my cervix, which is still closed and high. Here are the latest pics of our handsome little man...

His Profile

Yes, All Boy!

His Face Looking At Us...Looks Like You Can See His Eyeball

Over the weekend we finished up our registry shopping with our Babies R Us registry completion coupon. The only thing I think we need to buy is petroleum jelly to have on hand for the thermometer. I think we remembered everything else. I have his laundry all washed up and am getting ready to put it all away. We still need to pack a hospital bag, but otherwise I think we are ready.

I haven't been feeling well. My heartburn is so bad that many nights I have to prop myself up with pillows to sleep, which just makes my neck and back hurt worse. Saturday night I woke up with such terrible heartburn it made me puke. My upper right leg has been numb for a while now, but today it started really hurting in the groin, I can hardly walk. I'm definitely at the end and I can feel it. I don't remember being quite this uncomfortable with my daughter's pregnancy, maybe it has something to do with him being breech. One good thing is my blood sugar numbers have been really good and with baby measuring in the 50th percentile, my MFM said I could cheat on my diet some! So tonight I had a cheeseburger, salad, and hot fudge sundae...and wouldn't you know it, my numbers were still fine even with a cheat! We are one month (or less) away from meeting our rainbow baby and it can't come fast enough! We love you little guy!

Last Week

I have fallen a bit behind on my posting. It was a busy week! Last Sunday (April 1st) I found myself headed back to labor and delivery. Over night  on Saturday I was having a lot of cramps and what I wasn't sure were contractions of some sort. I could feel baby boy moving like crazy and could hear my amniotic fluid gurgling. I also had some random nausea, couldn't eat, mild headache, lightheaded, just random stuff like that and that chest pressure thing was still happening. I called the on call MFM again and he told me to head down to L&D again to get checked out, so off we went. When we got there it was the typical hook me up to the monitor - baby looked great. I wasn't registering any contractions, but the OB felt me having some braxton hicks. I had to get a catheter for a clean urine catch (ouch!!!) and it all came back normal just slightly elevated glucose (my blood glucose test was normal though). The OB thought that my uterus was either just sore from a lot of braxton hicks over night or that the baby had turned or was trying to turn (this is what I was hoping all night as I was feeling everything). She did an internal and everything looked high and closed, not leaking any fluid. So home we went. Luckily my 3 year old hasn't minded these trips - thank goodness for preschool games on the iPad!

Tuesday I had my NST, he passed with flying colors. We also had an ultrasound. My amniotic fluid went up a tad to a 10. He's still breech, but had changed position some...now, instead of his head being angled off to my left, his head is almost straight up and down, but a bit off to the right, so yes, he moved, but in the wrong direction :/ we'll have to wait and see what the next couple of weeks brings. I've tried the positions and the ice pack up by his head, but not much going on right now. Friday's NST was really good as well. He had the most accelerations he's had at an appointment (I think 5 or 6 in 20 minutes), he was having an Easter dance party!

We kept busy Easter weekend. Friday after our NST my husband and I went out on a date again - gotta love the grandparents watching the 3 year old for an evening :) We had dinner out and shopped for the kiddos again. Saturday we went to a baby expo and got some good contacts for chiropractors and newborn photographers. They had fun things for our daughter too - she enjoyed cake, petting bunnies, and seeing a fire truck. Sunday was family time with our extended families for Easter. It was a beautiful day!  I hope you all had a beautiful weekend as well!

33 Weeks!

Time is really flying now! Last week was my first set of non stress tests. Our boy did great on Tuesday. I wasn't sure what to expect, but they just hooked me up to monitor movement and contractions, just like they did when I went to labor and delivery. I could feel him moving around like crazy and watched his heart rate increase significantly with movement. That's what they look for. I also had a quick ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid levels. He's still breech and she tried to get us some good pictures, but he was not cooperating. He also wouldn't show us he's still a boy, oh well. We did get to see him curl his little toes under at one point, which was super adorable! My fluid level is the same as it was two weeks ago. Normal, but she said it was the low end of normal.

I had my MFM appointment on Wednesday. We met with the doctor who was on call when I last went to L&D and I absolutely loved him! Really great bedside manner. He reassured me that baby still has plenty of fluid and that I have a 97% chance he will turn on his own in the next few weeks. I'm still having intermittent pressure in my chest and back and he said to call if it gets worse or I get too worried. I'm not sure what it is, I'm hoping it's just pressure from how the baby is sitting and pushing on things.

Friday was another NST. The boy decided to sleep during the first part, so she had to get out this vibrating noise maker and put it on my belly. The poor little guy got startled out of his sleep and was wide awake for the rest of the test, showing her what she needed to see. My parents were watching our daughter, so my husband and I got to go out for a date night afterward. We had a nice dinner and went shopping. Of course, when you have a child and a baby who is soon to arrive, who do you shop for? The kids, not yourselves at all. We came home with some cute summer dresses for our princess and some great decor to add to the nursery.

Today we did our "finish up the registry" shopping trip with our 10% off coupon. It was lots of fun (until we got to the register and had to actually pay for all the great things we "had" to have). Now I think we have everything we need to have before he arrives. The nursery is in it's final phase and I'll be posting pictures soon!

Another Trip to Labor & Delivery

So I've been having this pressure in my chest and back very sporadically the past couple of weeks. It seemed to coincide with a particular move my dear son makes where he presses one foot into my right rib, one into my right hip bone, and pushes his head out on my left side. I just chalked it up to pressure from that fancy stretching move of my breech boy. Last night the pressure came but did not coincide with this move and would not go away. I took a Zantac hoping it was heartburn...nothing, so I googled. I know, I know, I shouldn't have, it just freaked me out that I was having a massive heart attack. Nervous, I took my blood pressure - I'm usually in the 110/65 range and I was 128/85 - ack! So I wait 5 minutes, freaking out and take it again 143/91, now I'm really worried (in hindsight, the anxiety is likely what caused the spike). I called the on call doctor and he didn't seem too terribly concerned. He told me it was likely nothing but to go to labor and delivery to be checked out. So, 11:00 at night we drag a groggy 3 year old out of bed and head downtown from our lazy, quiet suburb. They take my vitals, have me pee in a cup, and hook me up to a contraction and fetal monitor. Absolutely everything comes back normal and good. They leave me hooked up for quite a while and check my vitals a couple different times and both the baby and myself continue to look fine and healthy, although I am still feeling the pressure in my chest and back. My 3 year old is wide awake and completely content playing preschool games on Daddy's IPad. Daddy and I are uncomfortable and exhausted, but relieved all is looking good so far. When I see the doctor, she examines me and says that it is likely just "abnormally presenting asthma," she said if it were a heart attack or a clot that the baby would most likely be showing some signs of distress and he looked absolutely wonderful, and I was sent home. We finally crawled in the door at 3:00 AM. I'm still having the pressure and just started up my asthma meds again (I haven't needed any for several months). I'm hoping in a couple of days I'll start feeling better. My stupid anxiety has me a bit concerned that it is still something worse, but I guess the good news is I start going in for different things a lot this week and I would hope somebody would catch something if it were serious. Tomorrow is my first NST and the following day another appointment with my OB.

Our daughter loved her "Big Sister" class at the hospital! She got to learn how to hold a baby doll the correct way, diaper, swaddle, and feed a bottle. She got a cute little certificate and shirt, and they got to tour the maternity wing and see newborns in the nursery. She is still talking about her teacher and what she learned in class. It was a fun and special day for her.

Appointment Crazy

Tomorrow I hit the 32 week mark. That's when I start all of these crazy appointments. Is it weird to say that I'm actually looking forward to them in a way? I know it will be quite a stress load, especially for my husband taking time off of work to go to them with me and grandparents helping watch our daughter, but I'm relieved to be watched so closely. I'm excited to see and hear him frequently and this means we are getting really close to meeting him face to face! One thing that has me stressed about it all is that my bi-weekly testing will be at the sister hospital (because it's a closer and easier drive than the one I will deliver at), and it will be in the same facility where we found out we lost "C" (the son we lost at 17 weeks), where I had 2 D&C's, and where we went after we delivered him. If I end up in the same ultrasound room it will be very emotional. I'm afraid all of those anxieties will come flooding back when I walk in. That is the main reason I want my husband with me, plus if we find out something is wrong, I don't want to be there alone.

Tomorrow we take my daughter to her "Big Sister" class at the hospital I will deliver at. She's really excited! We are going to make a fun day of it for her, going out to lunch before and shopping afterwards. A day for her. It should be a lot of fun! It's been a gorgeous week and we have been having a lot of fun playing outside. She even got to ride her tricycle outside for the first time last night.

I'm getting to the very uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. Here is my complaint part of the post - I will try to get it all out in this one post. I don't want to forget these things either, so I'm writing them down. I'm still thrilled and blessed to be pregnant and wouldn't trade it for the world, so don't take it the wrong way. Here are the things I won't miss...the waking up at least 3 times per night to pee, having trouble falling asleep because my back or hips hurt or I have restless leg syndrome. Heartburn. It wears me out to do almost anything, climbing stairs, throwing in a load of laundry, trying to get up off the ground after changing a diaper. I love feeling him move, but he's starting to find some very uncomfortable positions that make me short of breath or make me contort my body as best I can to try to get him to move. My tailbone hurts all the time now and locks up randomly shooting excruciating pain. That same tailbone pain combined with the exhaustion from exertion makes my need to nest not happen, then I get irritated that things aren't just so. I want everything clean and ready but my body won't let me take care of those things, so my poor husband is being run ragged. And one last thing...I WANT A BIG TALL MILKSHAKE! Stupid GD! Okay, I think I got it all out ;)

30 Week Growth Ultrasound

Today we had our 30 week growth ultrasound (at 30 weeks 4 days). I didn't think I'd be nervous for these later ultrasounds, but I was so terribly nervous! Worried he was growing okay or that they would see something wrong that they hadn't seen before. I am so thankful to report that all is well with our little man. He is weighing in at 3lbs. 14oz., all his measurements look good and he is in the 59th percentile for size. His heart rate was 134, which is good. My amniotic fluid level is 9, she said that was good. He's still a he, and a very wiggly he at that. The ultrasound tech told us he had the prettiest 3rd trimester heart she had seen all day. Unfortunately he is breech. His head is poking out on my left side, he's sitting on my bladder, and just like his sister at this stage, he has his feet up by his head. I had a lot more trouble telling what everything was on ultrasound this time. He's getting so big and she said that breech position is more difficult to see things. We did get to see his sweet little face and I am so in love! I can't wait to smooch him!

His skull, I think...

She said it's his legs, but I can't quite figure this one out...

A foot....

and the other foot...

Pardon me while I keep track of all the stats from my appointments, it doesn't make for very interesting blog posts, but I want to have record of it for the baby book. We had an appointment with the nurse practitioner after the ultrasound. She told me I had about a month left for him to turn and gave me a position to try. She also told me when he turns at this stage it could be really uncomfortable because he will push on my aorta and I could get really nauseous and faint for a couple of minutes. She also gave us some great news about the ultrasound. If we were to have growth restriction due to the single umbilical artery it would likely be presenting already, so in all likelihood he will grow just fine for the rest of the pregnancy. I've been put on iron once per day because it was a bit low.

I'm focusing on the gestational diabetes now. I met with my dietitian yesterday and talked to my nurse today who say to continue with my diet because it is working with my numbers. Hopefully it will stay that way. Apparently I was just barely over the limit with my 3 hour test (75/174/155), some charts I've looked at wouldn't even fail me at those numbers, so hopefully I have it even more mildly than I did with my daughter. I had a high number after lunch today (157), but I ate out and overdid my carbs with a big muffin and some fruit. I have had that same meal but only half the muffin and been fine in the past. Pinterest is not my friend while I have GD! Oh the delicious things I'm seeing on there! Not to mention it is a beautiful week here, in the 70's. My daughter and I have been playing outside all week and I would love to go out for ice cream with the family! All in due time...he'll be here by summer, so we'll just have to wait and go as a family of four :)

Gestational Diabetes, Grrr!

Yep, I have it again. I failed my second two numbers of the three hour test. I honestly could care less about the finger pokes and diet. I've done it before and it's only for two months. I think it will be a bit more tricky this time to eat and poke on schedule while tending to my 3 year old. I lived by my timer when I had it with her...poke, eat, wait an hour, poke, wait an hour, eat, wait an hour, poke...you get the idea. Cutting down on the carbs isn't too difficult except for missing my morning orange juice and my desserts. Upping the protein is a little more difficult because I don't eat much meat, but nuts and cheese usually do the trick. My only real concern is making sure my son is okay. I was able to control my blood sugar levels with diet alone last time and my daughter had no complications (and that was over Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the Christmas season - talk about tough ;)). I'm hoping all goes just as smoothly this time. One of the last things I needed during this pregnancy is one more thing that can cause pregnancy complications and stillbirth. It just makes me more nervous. In all likelihood though, keeping it well managed, there should be no complications. I'll just keep repeating that mantra.

We had our hospital tour this week. I'll be delivering at a different hospital (the sister hospital) than where I delivered my daughter. It is HUGE! I have been going there for all of my appointments and ultrasounds (my MFM's office is in the hospital), but I had no idea that the labor and maternity ward were as big as they are! They deliver the most babies in a year in my entire state (6000-7000) and they currently are caring for 67 babies in the NICU. There is a labor wing for high risk deliveries and one for regular deliveries. 2 floors for after care. A wing for mamas who are on hospital bed rest. The night we toured was extraordinarily busy, we didn't get to see a full labor room because they were full or dirty or about to be filled. They also had to double up some mom and babies in the after care rooms for a bit, which made all of us on the tour nervous. They assured us this was something that rarely happens, it was just an especially busy night. I have mixed feelings about how big it all is, but at least we will be in a place where they are well equipped to handle any complications that should arise, that's comforting. The birthing suites are nice and roomy and cozy. We have the option of birthing tubs, hot showers, birthing balls, things like that.

I hit 30 weeks tomorrow. It hardly seems possible! Only 10 weeks away from my due date. The nursery is coming along and we hope to have it finished in the next two weeks. I'm looking forward to my ultrasound this coming week. Hoping all looks good and healthy in there. Time is whizzing by! Here's the nursery progress...

Let The Games Begin

We had our 28 week OB/MFM appointment yesterday. Baby boy seems to be doing well. His heart rate was in the 130s. I measured right on track. I gained more weight than I thought I had, although I shouldn't be too surprised with how I've been putting away the desserts. It wasn't enough weight for my doctor to bring up, and she actually talked about how thin I am when we discussed 3D ultrasounds and how that made me a better candidate for one. The nurse even complimented my bump and how perfect it is. I've also gotten a few random stranger comments about how I'm all belly. I just need to remind myself of those compliments when I step on the scale or look at my butt in the mirror. I had a small amount of sugar in my urine again, but she wasn't too concerned, just wants me to get my 4 hour glucose test in for the second time this pregnancy, so I scheduled it for next week. I'm craving sweets like crazy, so it would be difficult to hang up those hankerings if it comes back positive. She also did another cervix exam since I'm nervous about preterm labor. She said it's nice and closed and the baby is so high she couldn't even feel him. She doesn't anticipate me going into labor early.

I can hardly believe I have finally made it to the every two week appointment stage of the pregnancy! That makes it feel like we are getting super close to the end. We are getting ready to start the higher level of monitoring for the single umbilical artery. In two weeks I have an ultrasound to check growth, then in four weeks I'll start the twice per week NST's and they will check amniotic fluid levels once per week. It's also time to start kick counts twice per day. I officially started last night, although I had been starting to keep track a little bit a couple weeks ago. He has given me ten kicks within a few minutes both times so far. I think the last 2.5 months will fly, especially with all these appointments. I'm getting so excited!

Third Trimester

I'm so happy to be in the third trimester (although some books say I'm not officially 3rd trimester until the end of this week, when I hit 28 weeks, I think if there are only 3 months left then I'm 3rd trimester)! Only 89 days until my due date! Baby boy seems to be doing well. I feel him moving around on a regular schedule. He likes to sleep in the mornings until after lunch, then he'll wake up and move around a bit, take an afternoon nap, then at night he gets the most active. I am usually feeling him move around until I fall asleep. It's so reassuring to go to sleep feeling him. I can't even describe how in love with him I am already. My daughter likes to feel him kick and move and we talk about him daily and things he'll do when he "comes out." I think she is going to make an amazing big sister!

I have another OB appointment in a week. I'm still worried about preterm labor or my water breaking or him getting tangled in his cord, or not getting enough nutrients with the 2 vessel cord. I thought I lost part of my mucous plug last night, but there were no contractions and no blood, so from what I've read, that can be normal and it can regenerate in a couple of days. It could have just been CM too, I can't be sure. Day to day has been a little better this month and overall I haven't been quite as nervous, but I have had my moments.

My husband has been working hard on the nursery and we are so happy with how it's coming along! 3 coats of green paint and started on the wainscoting. I have a cordless roman shade ordered to go under the valance, which should be here in about a week. It's getting more and more real!

We also had a little photoshoot at home yesterday. I am really happy with how they turned out. Here are a couple of my 27 week baby belly...

Some days I have to pinch myself. If we hadn't gotten pregnant this cycle, there is a very strong possibility we would have thrown in the towel. If I had miscarried I likely would not have tried for another pregnancy. This is likely my very last pregnancy regardless of the outcome. I just don't have much more fight left in me. I am feeling so blessed and sometime overwhelmed with how well things are going. I don't want to jinx it at this point, but I am feeling mostly good about how this is going to turn out. I am beyond ready to move past this part of my life, my journey, and be content with the family I have been blessed with. I still look at other women's tests and get a bit sad that I will likely never experience those two pink lines again, and I'm sure once he's here I will miss things about pregnancy. I didn't have the family of 4 babies that I always thought I would have, but I am okay with that. The things we have experienced and the the things I have seen others go through makes me realize what a miracle it is that I have a beautiful and healthy daughter and hopefully will soon be holding the completion to our family, a beautiful and healthy son. I Am Thankful!



Compassion

When I was pregnant with my daughter I did not get sick once. No colds, infections, stomach bugs, nothing. I got sick a lot for the first few months she was here, but that's another story. I have already had several colds and an upper respiratory infection with this pregnancy. For even more fun and worry, I woke up on Thursday puking. Let me tell you how strange that sensation is when your stomach is pushed all the way up at the top of your belly. The night before we had some take out shrimp. My husband ate it too and did not get sick, so I don't know if it was the shrimp or a bug. Either way, I was shaky, weak, sick, stomach cramps, and contracting, so my OB told me to go to labor and delivery triage, so off we went.

They checked me in and hooked me up to a contraction monitor and a fetal heart rate monitor. This woke my son up and he kept kicking. It was nice to get to sit and listen to him for an hour. They did a cervix check and said I was a fingertip dilated on the outer part, which is normal for women who have already had a baby, but nice and tight inside. I wasn't dehydrated, surprisingly, and my blood sugar levels were fine (95). While I was being monitored there were no contractions. They gave me a list of things to watch for and come back in for if I experienced them, otherwise, just let the illness run it's course. That's what I've been doing. Luckily the puking stopped after that morning, but the rest has lingered a bit.

My main purpose for writing this entry is to talk about the amazing nurse I had. She was asking all the questions they need to in order to get me all checked in, and as we started talking about the son we lost at 17 weeks, her tone changed. She told me she was the head of the demise comity at the hospital and wondered how everything happened at their sister hospital, where I was taken care of after his birth, and how I felt about it. I told her how we delivered him in our bathroom, still in the sac, and how we were afraid to touch him too much because we wanted to be sure he could be tested. She asked if we got to hold him and if they took pictures, I said no. She told me how sorry she was and that he was part of our family and the first thing they would have done there is broke the sac, wrapped him in a blanket, and let us hold him. There would have been photos and the entire situation would have been handled like a delivery and a loss. She is one of the few medical professionals to make me feel really validated in our loss and mourn, not only our son, but also the lack of comfort we received at the hospital. I haven't really cried like this about him for months, but this nurse granted me a very powerful gift that day...understanding and compassion, the permission to feel it again, and the validation that things were not handled as they should have been. I don't know if she'll ever know what she did for me that day, but it was very powerful and I am forever grateful.