Thursday, October 14, 2010

Our First Ultrasound

It started out as a really stressful morning. I had no idea my emotions would hit me the way they did. I was so nervous and sad. It was like every emotion and feeling from the day we discovered our son had no heart beat on the ultrasound came rushing back. I spent the morning crying and frantically cleaning (that's what I do when I'm really nervous or really angry). I don't know if my daughter noticed a difference in Mommy or not. She likes to follow me around when I clean, so that was fun for her. I also let her watch a bit more TV than usual, so she was pleased. I was just so afraid that history would repeat itself. Of course our son sent more butterflies to reassure us today. We saw one as we pulled out of our neighborhood and another when we pulled in to the parking lot at the doctor's office. I have seen butterflies every time I go to an appointment. <3

The ultrasound wasn't until 1:45 PM. When we got called back, I gave the technician a bit of our history so she would understand why I was so nervous. Luckily she was wonderful. Very understanding, reassuring, and thorough. She told us within seconds that she saw the heartbeat. Then she pointed things out to us, like the flickering of the heart and the head. She let us see the sound waves of the heart beat. It was so beautiful to see our precious little nugget on that screen. She told us the baby was measuring right at 7 Weeks 5 Days, which is exactly where the baby should be based on my ovulation date. The heart rate was 165, which she said is excellent. My due date stays at May 27, 2011.

We go to our new OB in two weeks. I have to switch because mine "retired" from delivering babies. I'm sad about it because I absolutely LOVE my OB. I got to meet my new one, and he seems very kind and personable. I hope I like him as a doctor too. In about a month I go for the NT scan, which measures blood with an ultrasound looking at the nuchal fold. This should give us our odds at having a baby with a chromosomal abnormality. If all goes well with that test, I'll finally breathe a lot easier.

My husband and I are feeling a great deal of relief after seeing the heart beat and knowing that it is so strong. We finally celebrated this pregnancy after the ultrasound with a nice meal at Bravo and some ice cream with our little girl. She loved the celebration!

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Stress of Waiting

I am not a patient person in regards to life in general, throw in something huge, like the life of my baby, and it's next to impossible for me to stay calm and stress free during the wait. Only two more days until my first ultrasound. That doesn't sound too far away, but it sure feels forever away! The thing is, I know if we have good or even great results, the worrying will start all over again until we reach the next milestone. It's never ending.

I finally stopped POAS about a week and a half ago. I still have some tests in my closet, but I'm afraid of seeing the "hook effect" (when the HCG in your system is so high that it "fools" the test and the test line starts to look lighter than it did), and freaking out that something is wrong.

I find myself questioning every ache or pain or cramp my body has, every gush of fluid I feel, every pregnancy symptom I feel or don't feel. It's a vicious cycle of stress.

Part of me is not allowing myself to get too attached just yet. It almost feels like I'm still in the "Two Week Wait," waiting to see if I'm really pregnant, or rather, if this pregnancy is really viable. I'm already 7 weeks 3 Days pregnant. At 8 weeks the baby moves from embryo to fetus status. I feel like the joy of this was ripped from me and that makes me so mad! I love being pregnant, and this may be the last time I am, so I want to be able to love and cherish every second of it, this stupid stress just keeps getting in the way! Then I try to snap myself back to reality...I'm so fortunate to have been able to have my daughter and to get pregnant several times since then. There are women who never get that. I was one of those women for 8 years and would get so angry when I saw women who had at least one healthy child complain about their trials and tribulations, because what I wouldn't give for that one. Now I have her and I am so blessed. I'm just hoping and wishing with all my might that I will be blessed again with this baby...please let this one be strong and healthy and let this pregnancy be healthy and uneventful. Let my husband, daughter and I bring home another healthy little baby to help complete our family and make it even more full of love and joy. THAT'S what I'm putting out in to the universe.

Monday, October 4, 2010


That's what my OB said about my third set of beta numbers. Phenomenal! What a great relief and another hurdle crossed.

1st Beta 11 DPO:
HCG = 44.5
Progesterone = 25.5

2nd Beta 18 DPO:
HCG = 857.8
Progesterone = 34.6

Doubling time = 39.67 hours

3rd Beta 26 DPO:
HCG = 11,809.0
Progesterone = 24.3

Doubling time = 49.17 hours

I got the results on our way to a wedding in Chicago. I was so worried that the news would not be good and then I would have to put on a happy face for the weekend. Luckily the news was wonderful and easily gave me a smile from ear to ear for the big event! That will be my last beta unless I have spotting.

I set up my first ultrasound for October 13th. Only a week and a half away. I can't wait! We will hopefully see at least one good strong heart beat in there. Based on my beta numbers, I fall in the median category for twins, although I had numbers similar to this with my daughter, and she was a singleton. Seeing the numbers and how big my belly has already grown makes me very curious to have a peek. I'm guessing my belly is looking 3 months pregnant at 6 weeks because it wasn't too long ago I was in the second trimester with my son. Things just haven't had a chance to get back to normal before getting pregnant again.

I love looking pregnant already, but of course worry that something is wrong since I'm so big so soon. It's also a little embarrassing when people ask how far along I am, and they look a little shocked.

I can't let this blog go without mentioning that this past Saturday, October 2nd, was the due date of the first baby we lost. Of course I thought about it. I think it was good that we were in Chicago and celebrating. I also think it helped that we are expecting again. It really didn't bother me as much as I thought it might. I'm fairly certain my son's due date will be much more difficult for me, but this one wasn't too bad.