Monday, October 15, 2012

Capture Your Grief

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I remember my 4 angels today, as I do every day. They are never far from my mind and always in my heart.  I found this amazing blog and idea called Capture Your Grief. I just love this idea and although I have always been private with my photos, I think this is one place I will make an exception. I will update this post throughout the month.

 
Day 1. Sunrise


 
Day 2. Before Loss Self Portrait

 
 
Happy vacation days with my husband. Enjoying a romantic beach vacation and hoping we might come home with a little present.


Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait

 
 
This was a week or two after we lost our son (our second loss). I spent a lot of time staring out at the water.


Day 4. Most Treasured Item

 
The tree given to us in memory of our son. It is so special to me, especially when butterflies flit around it.



Day 5. Memorial

 
 
Our son's butterfly urn that rests on our fireplace mantel. Two of our other babies rest in a hospital memorial garden, while the other baby was too early to have a physical memorial resting place.



Day 6. What Not To Say



The most terrible thing was someone telling me not to share my miscarriages on facebook. She called them a dirty little secret and compared me sharing the loss of my children to someone sharing they had an STD.

Day 7. What To Say



Please say his name.


Day 8. Jewelery

 
 
My "mom bracelet" - the "It's a Girl" charm for when my daughter was born, the "Mom" charm for my first Mother's Day, the butterfly for my lost son, the birthstones for all my babies. I have since added an emerald for my rainbow baby and will be adding a silver charm for him soon as well.


Day 9. Special Place

 
 
The beach and the Don CeSar are my special places. A place to relax, recharge, and think in solitude. It's a happy place and I like to be somewhere that makes me feel comforted and wrapped in sunshine. This is that place for me. If I can't be there in person, I look at paintings and photos we have from past trips and picture myself there.



Day 10. Symbol



The butterfly. I have seen many butterflies at very special moments throughout my journey.

Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family



We have been very blessed to have a strong support system - friends, family, coworkers, nurses, bloggers.

Day 12. Scents

I can't think of one.

Day 13. Signs



The butterfly is the ever present sign from my angel babies. They always have perfect timing.

Day 14. Community

The only community event I have participated in has been the lighting of a candle on October 15th at 7pm.

Day 15. WAVE of LIGHT



Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours.


Day 16. Release



A wonderful online friend of mine has been such an amazing support through all of this. She lost her son right after I lost Carter. She had a balloon release and released one in his honor, filled with wildflower seeds. I don't know that I have ever been more touched by someone's thoughfulness before in my life. This is not my photo as I was not present at the event.

Day 17. Anniversary/Birthday/Due Dates



Tears


Day 18. Your Family Portrait



We feel very blessed to have a beautiful family. There will always be 4 little souls missing in our photos. Thank you to a dear friend for this treasured photo.

Day 19. Project



I needed to put together a memory book and box to look back on. I included pictures from my pregnancy and after the loss of Carter. I haven't put one together for the other babies lost, but I do have folders of photos on my computer for each of those pregnancies.

Day 20. Charity/Organization

Carter had Down Syndrome and that is likely why he died. A charity we have given to in his honor is the National Down Syndrome Society http://www.ndss.org/Ways-to-Give/Ways-to-Donate/

Day 21. Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space

 
 
Planting his tree. This is our special place.


Day 22. Place of Care/Birth

 


Day 23. Their Name/Their Photo

I have one photo of Carter after he was born. It is a very personal photo that I don't share. I wish we had more.

Day 24. Siblings

My daughter is starting to ask questions now and tells me she's sad that Carter died. When she brings him up and asks questions I'm open with her and let her know it makes me really sad too. She has hugged me and wiped away the tears from my eyes. Such an empathetic little girl. I'm not sure what the proper approach is, but I think it's okay for her to know it makes me sad and that it's okay for her to be sad too. Our youngest is only 5 months old, so he doesn't know yet, but we will be open with him as well.


Day 25. Baby Shower/Blessing



We didn't have any baby showers for the other babies, but we did receive some cards and gifts when we announced the pregnancies.

Day 26. Their Age

4 weeks pregnant
16 weeks pregnant
9 weeks pregnant
10 weeks pregnant

Day 27. Artwork


This is obviously not mine, but it speaks to me so deeply.

Day 28. Memory

 
The most terrible memories from 3 of my losses are the moments I was told there was no heartbeat. It ruined ultrasounds forever for me.

Day 29. Music

Avril Lavigne Slipped Away is THE song for me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kodr0nR5ULs

Day 30. Your Grief – Tell The World



Day 31. Sunset

 
 
There wasn't much of a sunset with the rain and clouds, but our sunset in the United States happened during trick-or-treat. Enjoying the blessing of my 2 living children.


*This project was created In Loving Memory of all the babies who died during pregnancy and the little ones that could only stay with their parents for the shortest of times. No parent should ever have to bury their child. We will speak about these precious lives. We will honour them. We will remember them.
Please share this project with anyone who you think it would help.
Love and blessings to you all.
 
 

2 comments:

lisabttc said...

That is a great idea. Very beautiful what you've done so far. Love it xoxo. But so sad for all you've been through.

Good Timing said...

This is a lovely idea. I love your candidness and photos so far to capture your journey of loss. What strength you have. I've missed your posts. I hope all four of you are doing well!