Monday, November 21, 2011

Facebook & Blog Concerns

I've been down this road before. Pregnant after dealing with infertility and loss. I have days where I am hopeful and excited, most days are like that now that I'm in the second trimester, but I also have days of fear and dread. In addition to dealing with all things pregnancy related, I find myself worrying about upsetting my IF/miscarriage friends on facebook and blogs. I know how it feels to read pregnancy updates when that's all you want for yourself. I also feel like I've worked so hard to get here that I should enjoy it and share my joy.

What is this blog all about...for the most part, I started it to get my feelings out. To have a safe, anonymous place to say all the things I didn't feel like I could say to anyone else. To have a record of the things I have gone through to look back and reflect on. I didn't even know if I would have any followers. If that helped other people along the way, that was part of it. That makes me feel like I'm contributing to society in a good way and giving this journey some purpose. If I can offer an ounce of hope or comfort to someone going through something similar, then I welcome that opportunity. Now I'm afraid of upsetting and offending people, so I'm not sharing fully. I would never walk into a room with a real life infertile/miscarriage friend and complain about morning sickness or my latest freak out over the pregnancy. I'm pregnant, she may never be, I could never be so insensitive. So I struggle with what is appropriate now for my blog. I think I need to go back to the initial intention and have this be a place for my feelings and emotions. I want to do that without hurting anyone, but I'm not sure if that is a possibility. I know how raw infertility and miscarriage make your emotions. I guess this is me saying that I will be talking about those things that might be too much for some of you to read, and if you need to step away from reading for a while, I completely understand. I won't be offended if you don't comment, I want you to do what you need to do for your own emotional needs and please do not feel an obligation here. I would be thrilled if everyone continued to read, but I get it and understand fully. I've been thinking of writing this post for a while now and just decided I needed to post.

Facebook is even more tricky in a way, because I know I have several friends who are infertile or have suffered loss. I could block them from my pregnancy posts, but I'm sure there are many who I don't even know have suffered through IF/miscarriage who may very well be just as hurt. I would have been irritated if a friends decided for me to block me from her posts, let me decide who's pregnancies I want to follow and who posts too much for me to handle. I'm not one who posts complaints about pregnancy, but I do post belly pics, ultrasound pics, cravings, baby gaga weekly updates, things like that. I see so many people post about their pregnancies who have no idea what it feels like to read those posts from the other side. I don't want to be that girl, but I also want to share my joy. This is such an exciting and hopeful time for us and I feel like positivity is really helpful mentally and physically. I'm just so torn, being pulled in both directions emotionally. I just wish nobody had to go through these types of struggles and heartaches.

In pregnancy news, I'm feeling this little one move already! It's so reassuring and the BEST part about pregnancy. We have a 16 week anatomy scan set up for December 5th. We'll also do a 20 week scan. I'm hoping all looks good and we get a peek at the gender. My doppler has been so helpful to have. I'm in the time frame now of when we lost our son (sometime between 14.5-16 weeks), so I've been extra nervous. I don't feel consistent movement yet, so the doppler helps. I've been sick with some sort of upper respiratory infection for a couple weeks and had to take a Z pack, which I was reassured by my doctor was safe in pregnancy and better than an infection settling in my lungs, so I took it. I hate that I had to, but it was for the best. My glucose test and crown for my tooth have been on hold until I get better. I'm hoping I can get them both in before my OB appointment on the 30th. My tailbone pain and sciatica have started. It makes it difficult to walk any distance, even just shopping can be hard to accomplish. My OB wrote me a script for physical therapy, which I had to do after my daughter was born, but I don't have childcare for her twice per week and I don't think my insurance covers that many visits. I'd rather wait and use the visits after the baby is born and they can use those electric pulses on me, those helped the most and they can't use them on pregnant women. I have a pain in my right calf that I keep worrying is DVT, yes, my anxiety makes me a hypochondriac. So, that's what has been happening. Enjoying the pregnancy most days, worried others. I'm looking forward to being past that 20 week anatomy scan...then breathe.

I hope you all have a beautiful Thanksgiving with much to be thankful for. I feel so blessed this year.


Belinda and Justin said...

Personally I feel like that there is a big difference between blogging and Facebook. For me blogging is a place to put it all out there as people can choose to come and read it as they please. However, Facebook isn't that simple as its always the pregnancy stuff that is staring you in the face at the start of the newsfeed. I personally feel that pregnancy related information is best for blogging and not Facebook. I have been pregnant twice (lost both) and never posted anything about it on Facebook as I know how it could hurt others. I walk the road of AC for over a year and continue to walk it. For me IF it ever happens Ill only post that people can check my blog if they want updates ... there will be no news of a pregnancy on Facebook ... but thats just me!

falsenostalgia said...

We're Facebook friends, so I can give you my totally honest opinion. I love seeing pregnancy posts from you, and other people who have experienced loss, infertility, etc. It makes me happy! :) What I personally dislike is these sort of posts from people who've never had any problems. You know, the type who post their pregnancy announcement on FB when they're 3w2d or something because they assume everything will be rosy (and for them, it is). As for you - please don't hide me from those posts! I'm very happy for you.

falsenostalgia said...

Oops, forgot to add - this is Shannon M.

Lindsey said...

I think your blog is your space, and honestly so is your FB wall. If your posts are bugging someone they can block you from their wall for a while. I know all inferiles complain about FB over posters sometimes but its not like we're really unhappy fro them, we're just having a rough day. Enjoy this pregnancy! You deserve it, you've worked hard for it and you shouldn't have to hold back!

meggola said...

Michele, I have seen you go through so much to get to where you are - I'm so incredibly happy for you and love to hear how you're doing! I appreciate your concern and that you recognize that it can be a sensitive subject, but like others said, this blog is your space to write what you want, and with both your blog and FB the readers can choose to ignore posts if they have to. I personally find blogs much easier to deal with than FB because I know what to expect and don't get caught off guard like I do with FB posts.

Have a happy Thanksgiving!

lisabttc said...

I think you always sound so grateful for what you have! You deserve it so much! I find strength and inspiration in your story. I love to hear about miracles!!

I hope you will share anything and everything that you want :) You have been through so much and waited a long time for this.

Yay for feeling movement! That's so exciting! I hope your upcoming appts are great. I can't wait to find out the gender!


Tia said...

I've been struggling with some of the same feelings lately regarding my blog and facebook. I don't seem to be posting much on my blog anymore, partly because I don't want to "rub it in" for those who are still struggling with IF. Glad to hear that things are going well! How exciting that you're feeling movement already.