Friday, July 8, 2011

July 8...The Day My World Came Crashing Down

It was a year ago, almost exactly to the hour, that we went in for an ultrasound to find out my son had died in utero. Part of that seems so distant and part of it seem like it was just last month. July 9th is the day we delivered him and the day that we will keep aside as a day to honor him. Today is much more painful than I anticipated.

I have been working on a memory book for him. Something that I can look at whenever I am especially missing him. I thought it would be cathartic to put together, and sometimes it has been, but most times I find it difficult to motivate myself to be in that sadness. It's just easier to block out the pain. When it surfaces, it is still so intense.

Most days it still seems so unreal. I still find myself thinking that it didn't happen to me, it's just too much. The reality of it all is unsettling and I push it away again.

Today it is raining...the sky is was last year too...I love you forever and I miss you.


Tia said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry Michele. Anniversaries are definitely tough. I'm glad you have time set aside to remember him tomorrow.

LisaB said...

Oh Michele, I'm so sorry :*( That makes my heart just ache. You hang in there sweetie. I'll be thinking of you during this difficult time. xoxo

meggola said...

I'm so sorry Michele. Anniversaries are so hard. Hugs sent your way.