Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Ahh...The Stress & Anxiety

Here is stress and anxiety post #1 for this pregnancy. I'm hoping there won't be too many more, but with my history, I'm guessing there will be a few.

Topic #1 - The Tests
For the most part, my tests are fabulous! They are super dark for only 11 DPO. They seem to be getting darker. The stressful part is that I have had a few here and there that are lighter than previous tests (see pics below). Probably not a big deal, but it still makes me panic.

Topic #2 - The Beta
Looking at the tests and looking at my betas with past tests, I was thrown for a loop to find out my beta was only 30. Now, 30 on 11DPO is actually a good, solid beta, and my progesterone is good too at 29.3. The number and the tests just don't seem to mesh, so I'm stressed that hcg leaves my urine slower than it leaves my blood (I don't know if there is any truth to that, just a question I have) and the beta is on it's way down, but then tonight I take another test (7 hours after my beta) and it looks a bit darker, so I'm hoping the previous scenario is not what is happening. I go back Friday for a 2nd beta.

Topic #3 - The Bleeding
I have only had one tiny spot of brown blood at 6 weeks when I was pregnant with my son. Never have I had any other kind of bleeding in pregnancy. Today, after a strenuous hour with my toddler at her Little Gym class, I had bright red blood for a couple hours. TMI Alert: It was only when I wiped, but I'd say it was somewhere between spotting and light bleeding, no clots. The bright red is gone *knock on wood* and now I just have some tiny traces of brown. Needless to say, I called my husband home from work and put my feet up for the day. My RE offered my Prometrium if I wanted it, but my progesterone is good and has never been a problem, so I don't think I'll take it. I'm hoping it was a one time thing and I was just doing too much. I'm afraid to take her to class next week.

Topic #4 - The Symptoms
I started getting a headache tonight. I'm someone who gets headaches a lot. When I was pregnant with my daughter I didn't have a single headache, it was bliss. With my chemical I had a searing headache on the night before my tests turned negative, so I'm always afraid of headaches. I've had headaches in my 3 other pregnancies at random times and they meant nothing. So logically I know this is not something foreboding.

Cramps and backache, same deal...I've had them with every pregnancy, they freak me out that miscarriage is impending AND it freaks me out if I don't have cramps because I know I have cramps with pregnancy. See, I'm so full of anxiety that the things I'm anxious about don't even make sense.

Good news is I'm nauseous, have a super strong sense of smell and food aversions, lightheaded, and exhausted. I'm yelling out a big serious YAY for those things!

Here are some of my tests (which I showed to the med. asst. today when she drew my blood, and she was so curious about them and how I had them organized. She said she hadn't seen anyone do this before and I told her about us crazy group of gals on the internet - ha!):

There you have it. I AM pregnant.I won't start heparin injections until we see what my next beta is. Please send all your good thoughts, vibes, positive energy, prayers to my little bean(s). We need all that good stuff we can get!

...I kinda thought it might be twins after seeing how dark my tests were so early on. Now that I have my beta, I'm guessing it's just one, but we did have 2 good follies, so it's possible. One or two - I just want a healthy take home baby(ies) and will feel blessed beyond words whichever way that goes.


Belinda and Justin said...

Ive read a lot online and through talking with our RE a line is a line and it doesn't matter how dark the line is. So, (much easier said then done) STOP testing and stressing yourself out. This little baby bean needs a stress free environment. ENJOY it girl YOU ARE PREGNANT!! CONGRATULATIONS!

meggola said...

I completely understand your anxiety! I'll continue to hope and pray that everything goes well and that your anxiety is for nothing! :) Congratulations!!!

Michele said...

Thank you so much ladies!