Thursday, September 22, 2011
Time Moves So Slowly
It feels like I've been waiting forever for this ultrasound coming up on Tuesday. Two weeks of no tests or anything to verify this pregnancy is moving along properly. I caught a cold from my daughter, so I can't tell if my waves of nausea and exhaustion are from the cold or from pregnancy. I haven't had many cramps this past week either and I usually have them until about 8 weeks. My uterus is itchy from the inside out and my stomach seems to be getting bigger. I'm out of pregnancy tests, which is probably for the best. I did take my last FRER after I got my last beta result and video taped it. It can't get much darker. The pregnancy line popped up right away, but it took a while for the control line to show up - ha!
I also took a digital just because I love to see the word "pregnant" pop up!
I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy for every second that I am pregnant, hoping that it's for the full 9 months. I'm nervous, of course, but I have a strange sense of calm with this pregnancy that I haven't had for a long time. I'm hoping it's because my intuition is telling me all is well. I'm not sure though, I could just be resigned to all of this since we've been through so much before. Some days I really feel pregnant, other days I don't feel pregnant at all. If we see a heartbeat on Tuesday, I'll know we will have something like a 95% chance all will go well with the rest of the pregnancy. It's hard to put too much stock in those statistics because we saw a heartbeat with two of our losses and fell in that 5%, but I'll gladly take the 95% odds.
I haven't had any miscarriage dreams *knock on wood,* with all of my miscarriages I had nightmares of miscarriage before they happened. I can't remember if I had miscarriage nightmares when I was pregnant with my daughter. I do remember a very vivid dream I had of her early on in my pregnancy, before we knew she was a girl. I dreamed of this 4 or 5 year old little girl and at first I could only see her from behind. She had brown curly hair (brown like her Daddy, curly like me), then she turned around and she looked a lot like me and she hugged me. When I woke up I remember wondering if that meant my baby was a girl, but I figured our child would be blonde as a kid because my husband and I both were. As it turned out, our daughter was born with brown curly hair. I keep hoping for a similar dream with this pregnancy. Just like any pregnancy, all we can do is wait, enjoy the time we have with our baby, and hope for the best.